Why Write Erotic Romance?

Why do you write erotic fiction/romance?
I could hem and haw, but I think basically because it turns me on. And, I also believe that sex is one of those things about humanity that tells us a lot about who someone is. I often feel that when the chips are down, and we’re scared but fighting through a really challenging time in our lives, that says a lot about our character—how we meet those challenges.

Sex is the same thing. I don’t really write about people who just stick it in, bounce around, and get dressed and go. I write about people who have complicated lives, and sex is a little bit more complicated for them.

Even if the characters aren’t in love, I’m interested in what attracts them to each other. Are they shy, have they been hurt before, are they nervous, are they bold and confident. In most of my stories, good sex becomes a part of the character’s healing and transformation.

I’ve had my share of lousy sex, my share of dry spells; probably that’s when I’m writing the most smut. I’ve had good sex too, sex and emotional intimacy that healed me.

I know a lot of people out there—not just women—who long for the type of sex they read in books. I believe we should all be able to get our needs met like that, to have the very best sex, sex that doesn’t degrade us or make us sluts or jerks but sex that empowers us, connects us, makes us feel good. I want that for my characters, and I want that for all of us.

I actually stopped working on my fiction for many years because I thought, what’s the point? With all the problems in our world, how could I possibly focus on this when there’s so much going wrong that I should be putting my energies toward fixing? But the stories kept calling. And I kept writing in bits and pieces. My characters wouldn’t leave me alone. But I thought, ok, I’ll indulge this, I love writing. But it won’t heal the world or anything.

Then a friend did a test read of one of my stories. She had never read erotic fiction before. It had been many, many years since she’d had sex–like, over a decade–and she had so much shame around sex. She’d only had sex with her ex husband, and she had issues with the idea of sex outside of marriage. She told me that my story helped her to feel better about an encounter that she had planned with a friend. It helped her to feel safe enough to have sex again, to begin to reframe some of her shame around sex.

I kind of burst into tears when I read that. I think if I’d had any idea that my little smut stories could actually be healing for someone, I never would have stopped writing. I’m glad I kept at it, and I’m honored if my stories help anybody to feel good. If that’s relieving a little tension in a good way during a dry spell, or inspiring you for healing, or however that looks, if it makes you feel good, then I’m really excited and honored and grateful to have been able to support that.

One thought on “Why Write Erotic Romance?

  1. Just found this article will looking for a blog update – but glad I did!

    I believe a lot of the reasons you were drawn to eroticka (spelling intentional) also attract us men. Yeah, most just get off on the act of sex, but a few of us savor all the nuances and subtleties, the hues and mysteries within…at least if you believe as I do that you are mating with the Goddess!

    In my case, I find that ‘slow ride’ most prevalent when writing poetry. There is something thrilling of discovering a feeling you weren’t expecting, or a verse that really does the trick. I’ll look forward to reading some of your work soon and keep letting those creative juices flow!

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